Cover photo via.
If you’re a gamer or on the internet often, you know who Felicia Day is. If you’re not, here’s an introduction, in her own words:
Hi, I’m Felicia Day. I’m an actor. That quirky chick in that one science fiction show? You know the one I’m talking about. I’m never on the actual poster, but I always have a few good scenes that make people laugh. As a redhead, I’m a sixth-lead specialist, and I practically invented the whole “cute but offbeat hacker girl” trope on television. (Sorry. When I started doing it, it was fresh. I promise.)
I first knew her from a couple of the literally hundreds of internet videos she’s made and starred in, the company she started called Geek & Sundry, and as the voice of one of the heroes in my favorite video game, Guild Wars 2. When her memoir came out, I added it to my ever-lengthening Goodreads list.
Last month when I was craving books to read, I grabbed Felicia’s memoir from the biography section of the library. I don’t go to this section of the library or bookstore often. I’ve never read a memoir that wasn’t from the 1900s or earlier and assigned to me in an English class. Ever. I haven’t read Bossypants or The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo or Furiously Happy. So, intentionally grabbing a memoir was a new thing for me.
I’m glad I did, because Felicia’s memoir is a delight. From reading about her life as a home-schooled kid to her being a violin prodigy (whaaat?) to moving to LA to become an actress, I was fascinated.
What I didn’t expect (though in retrospect, I’m not surprised) was how much of Felicia’s memoir resonated with me. I dog-eared quite a few of that library book’s pages (sorry!), but there were just too many quotes to let them go without a second read.
On being addicted to World of Warcraft:
The thing about a computer game character is that a part of you BECOMES that character in an alternative world. That little gnome was an emotional projection of myself. A creature/person who was more powerful, more organized and living in a world where there were exact parameters to becoming successful. …
When we graduate from childhood into adulthood, we’re thrown into this confusing, Cthulu-like miasma of life, filled with social and career problems, all with branching choices and no correct answers. Sometimes gaming feels like going back to that simple kid world. Real-life Felicia wasn’t getting more successful, but I could channel my frustration into making my gnome an A-list celebrity warlock, thank you very much! (pg 115)
Every second of writing that script felt like walking barefoot over shards of glass. I would write a bit and then I would sob, wanting desperately to erase what I’d just written. … Then I would force my fingers to type more, every word feeling like I was bleeding from every orifice. I was engulfed with fear of making mistakes, of writing something stupid, of encountering story problems I couldn’t think my way out of. I was, in short, terrified of the process. It was not fun. (pg 141-2)
If ideas flow out of you easily like a chocolate fountain, bless you, and skip to the next chapter. But if you’re someone like me, who longs to create but finds the process agonizing, here’s my advice:
Find a group to support you, to encourage you, to guilt you into DOING. If you can’t find one, start one yourself. Random people enjoy having pancakes.
Make a goal. Then strike down things that are distracting you from that goal, especially video games. (Unless it’s this book; finish reading it and THEN start.)
Put the fear of God into yourself. Okay, I’m not religious. Whatever spiritual ideas float your boat. Read some obituaries, watch the first fifteen minutes of Up, I don’t care. Just scare yourself good. You have a finite number of toothpaste tubes you will ever consume while on this planet. Make the most of that clean tooth time. For yourself. (pg 143)
On mental health:
Imagine saying to someone, “I have a kidney problem, and I’m having a lot of bad days lately.” Nothing but sympathy, right?
“My mom had that!”
“Text me a pic of the ultrasound!”
Then pretend to say, “I have severe depression and anxiety, and I’m having a lot of bad days lately.”
They just look at you like you’re broken, right? Unfixable. Inherently flawed. Maybe not someone they want to hang around as much?
Yeah, society sucks. (pg 228)
And finally, on representation:
[Nora Ephron] had made it possible for me to imagine my own future in the world of film. Her very existence showed me it could be done and allowed me to dream about following the path she laid behind her. Without her work, I doubt it would have ever occurred to me that such a path existed.
Now, I certainly am not saying that I consider myself an icon like Nora Ephron or that I should be [the] ultimate example of “GAMER FEMALE” but the idea of representation is important. And I think the world of gaming needs people from all walks of life to speak up and represent the positive side of what we love. Because, let’s be real: gaming’s reputation is NOT good in that area right now. …
I joined the world of gaming as a little girl. It was where I first discovered my voice and felt accepted. I found a community … During all that time I spent online I was never shamed for my enthusiasms. Never made to feel that I didn’t deserve to be heard because of my gender. And I wouldn’t be who I am without that community. (pg 251)
If you’re a nerd, a gamer female, or just love the internet and want to read a good memoir about an interesting person, I definitely recommend You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost).
Now, to translate all the hours I spent playing Heroes of the Storm this weekend into writing hours this week….