EXPeriencing: [My] Depression

Emo cover photo via.

Everyone experiences mental health issues differently. I have depression. But that in no way means someone else who has depression experiences it the same way I do. I have a touch of anxiety that is manifested from my depression. But plenty of people have anxiety that may manifest depression. Every experience is different.

I was reminded of that this week when I forgot to take my antidepressant for a day or two.

It’s only when I’ve forgotten to take my medication that I remember why I take medication in the first place. I forgot to take my prescription on Monday night, and possibly on Sunday night, too. I was really tired on Monday, but I could function just fine. Then… I couldn’t fall asleep Monday night to save my life. I chalked it up to watching The Haunting of Hill House, which is both scary and sad.

Tuesday morning rolled around. My alarm went off at 7:05 like usual with snoozes going off at 7:15 and 7:30. And then it was 7:45. Then 8:00. Then 8:15. And if I didn’t get out of bed right then, there was no way I was going to get to work by 9:00. And then it was 8:30, and if I didn’t get out of bed right then, I wasn’t going to make it to work by 9:30. At that point I decided to take my half-day work from home (thank you, work perks). I rolled out of bed at 8:50 and sat at my computer at 9:00. I drank a pot of coffee. And I was still so tired that I wanted to cry. I trudged to work at noon, still tired. I made it through until 5:00 when I could come home and finally start to feel awake. Then I sat on my phone for an hour and a half when I could have done literally anything else with my night.

It was as I was enjoying a glass of champagne to celebrate my best friend’s new baby that night that I thought, Wait… did I take my meds last night?

I started to put the pieces together: Couldn’t sleep but couldn’t wake up. Wanted to cry for no reason. Not motivated to do the things I enjoy. These are my textbook ways depression affects me. I took my prescription last night like normal, and I’ve been fine all day: Slept through the night (undetermined if the champagne helped with that), woke up okay, felt awake after a couple cups of coffee, got my work done, and was motivated enough to write this here blog post and schedule a vet appointment for Jaina.

Depression manifests itself in so many different ways. It wasn’t until I started taking medication that I realized just how many of my systems can be out of whack because my brain chemicals are out of whack. Don’t feel bad if yours are, too, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you know something’s not right. And don’t forget to take your meds when you need them, of course.

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